Love & Intimacy.. Nutrition for the Soul

 by Diana Daffner, published August 2013 in Natural Awakenings

Love & Intimacy: Nutrition for the Soul

As conscious beings, we are mindful about what we eat. We pay attention to the nutritional value of our food intake. We seek to increase what we think is good for us and diminish consumption of unhealthy commodities.

Love, too, perhaps even more than our diet, can provide healthy nutrition for both our bodies and our souls, even to the point of our survival from disease. Dean Ornish, M.D, , founder of the Preventive Medicine Research Institute, says “I am not aware of any other factor in medicine that has a greater impact on our survival than the healing power of love and intimacy. Not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery."

As with food, bringing mindfulness and attention to our intake of love can affect how beneficial it is for us. How do we do that? As with food, it is important to select well. Without knowledge, amply provided by magazines such as this, we might make poor choices. Of course, we need to apply our knowledge intelligently. When I was young, I must have somehow learned that too much salt was not good to eat. I distinctly remember feeding potato chips to my dog, but first licking off the salt because I knew it would not be healthy for her!

Selecting a love partner involves more than knowledge and the necessary rational application. Lovers are drawn toward each other by many inexplicable forces – perhaps including karma, pheromones, astrological intervention and who knows what else. Once we are in the relationship, we must continue to be smart about how to give and receive love in the most nutritional way possible.

Eye Contact
It is said that eyes are the windows to the soul. A recent Yale study actually supports the idea that our sense of our true essence is indeed located in or near the eyes. Intimacy can be thought of as “into-me-see.” Allowing our beloved to see into our eyes is perhaps the most direct path to cultivating the nutritionally intimate aspect of love.

Although it is considered romantic, couples often do not make strong eye contact, even when making love. Instead, we usually close our eyes! Closing the eyes may put us more in touch with what we are feeling in our body. However it is the eye contact that puts us more in touch with our partner. It is the eye contact that provides the opening to our soul.

In the movie Avatar, the phrase “I see you” is used to acknowledge a deep resonance and respect for one another at that soul level. In the novel “The Amaranth Bloom,” author Deborah June Goemans describes a South African ritual of soulful story telling called kukummi. “It starts with Ma saying, “I see you,” she writes.

To be truly seen by our beloved, to look into our partner’s eyes, is not only the height of romance, it provides a nutritious helping of love and intimacy. When served on a daily basis, with a sprinkling of gratitude and appreciation, it is like taking a megavitamin that nourishes and sustains both each individual and the relationship itself.

www.IntimacyRetreats.com

Intimacy is Just a Shift Away

September is here. There's been a shift from summer vacation to the start of school. Here in Florida, although it's still hot, the shift is noticeable: summer visitors are gone, winter tourists and residents haven't arrived yet. It's easier to get a parking spot at the beach, a seat at the movies and restaurants.

Many people feel that cosmic shifts are happening. This week, 09-09-09 sparked a flurry of ceremonies around the globe. I was delighted to play flute at one here on Siesta Beach. When people participate in ceremony, they shift into a sacred space. ~ SunBear

What shifts do you notice in YOUR life? During our daily tantric lovemaking this morning, Richard and I both noticed when we "shifted" from our individual, personal thoughts into a connection of we-ness. There was an almost tangible click as we shifted into the same orbit.

It's like shifting gears. If we're just zooming along at normal speed, we can easily miss each other. When we slow down, when we each remember to become present and in touch with the moment, we suddenly find each other. Click!

Find yourself, and your beloved, today. Slow down and make the shift. Intimacy is always just a click away!

Cyberspace Publicity

Unless she's already a prime time success, it is the author's responsibility to let people know about a newly published book. Therefore, much of my time is being spent this year on exactly that, letting the world know about my new book. (And, of course, about the Intimacy Retreats that my husband and I lead. )

What's exciting about doing book publicity is that I get to create or join ongoing conversations about love, sex, intimacy, relationships, Tantra and sacred awareness. Looking for appropriate conversations in cyberspace is like attending the HUGEST trade show or networking event one could ever imagine! It's up and running 24/7, and there are zillions of booths and visitors, each of which is a potential contact, someone new to meet.

Just as in face-to-face events, sometimes I meet and connect with people who are interested in my topic, and sometimes I don't. This week, I discovered Joan Price's blog about senior sexuality. She's the author of Better Than I Ever Expected, and she has now left a comment right here on MY blog, how cool is this!?


Each time I leave a comment somewhere, it's as if I've put a flyer on a bulletin board and people with similar interests may notice it and seek more information. Cyberspace publicity would seem to be the opposite of intimacy, but that's only if you choose to remain anonymous. Since I want people to get to know about me, I always use my real name and contact information. In a sense, I'm putting myself out there, saying "hey, here I am, take a look at me, maybe there's a conversation here, maybe our paths are meant to intersect for awhile." Maybe they will, maybe they won't. Life is like that, isn't it? We can't know in advance when or where intimacy will arise.

Gabbing?

Odd word, written down: gabbing. Webster defines it as talking in a "rapid or thoughtless" manner. So I guess I wasn't gabbing this morning with Yolande, Sarasota's premiere clothing designer, because our conversation was rich with serious thoughts. Seriously positive thoughts, and even some pauses between them. That's what made it such a great conversation! We really felt connected. (And since it was a follow up to our chance meeting on Siesta Beach, we had the recent memory of a physical hug still hanging around in our DNA.)

Why is it that verbal communication without specific information or instructions to impart is often put down as "just gabbing." (What is it called when the political pundits talk endlessly on TV?)

Are casual conversations about meaningful topics just "gabbing?" Well, yes, but we can reclaim the word as a GOOD thing, a good way to feel connected with the person we're chatting with. Like sex, some conversations create intimacy (into-me-see) and others are a waste of time. And, like sex, talking is important in a relationship. I once wrote about this in an article called We Have to Talk.

I could go on and on, since writing is a bit like gabbing. Blogging is gabbing. Oops, that's a sentence that's hard to say aloud. What makes a blog into a conversation is that readers can leave comments and reply. And a connected feeling can get transmitted across cyberspace.

Playing with Sticks

At the drum circle on Siesta Key this past Sunday, I experienced an intimate connection with Buck Levine, a psychotherapist, while we played Crystal Stix on the beach. Each of held one stick in each hand while we tossed another stick back and forth between us. Twirling the stick and twirling our bodies, we stayed in synch with each other and the drum beat vibrating around the circle.

Without words, without even touch, we had to keep our energies aligned in order to keep the stick in motion. It was great exercise, and a great way to connect with another person.

As you'll discover, dear reader, this blog is about the many ways we can enjoy the experience of intimate and personal contact - whether sexual or not!

Starting a Blog!

Years ago, I wrote an essay about "intimacy" which has been my passion, my delight, my salvation, and in recent years, my work as a facilitator of Intimacy Retreats for couples.

Connecting with others, really connecting, through eye contact and/or touch, through emotional and/or spiritual sharing, through writing and speaking and drumming and laughing.. has always been what drives and excites me.

The recent publication of my book, Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day, has provided me with motivation to take my love of intimacy to a wider audience. This blog is one of the ways I am doing that. Regardless of how or why you land here, I hope that you are inspired to create intimacy in your own life.