Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sting and Tantric Sex

In a recent interview, the 18 year old daughter of musician Sting declared that her dad knows nothing about tantric sex. Some years ago a rumor had traveled the internet, that not only was Sting practicing tantric sex, he and his wife Trudie were doing for 8 hours at a time!

My husband and I were already leading Intimacy Retreats and teaching couples about the benefits of tantric sex... but we weren't setting records for marathon episodes. I was secretly relieved when about a year later, I heard that Sting had commented, "8 hours? I said that? I must have been including dinner and a movie!" Yet I also heard his wife Trudie Styler tell Oprah that sometimes he would draw a bath for her, and massage her. That's certainly time well spent!

This isn't the only occasion that Sting and Trudie's sex life has been in the news, but hopefully people won't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There is great value in understanding and practicing the aspects of sexual energy that define tantric sex. When combined with an opening of the heart, couples who bother to explore and embrace this ancient path are rewarded with amazing experiences of love, intimacy and spiritual joy.

Maybe Sting & Trudie will come to one of our workshops or read our book!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Tantra on Huffington Post

(I just wrote this as a comment to an an article/post on The Huffington Post, about Tantra. It was too long so I am posting it here in its entirety.)

Lots of comments to this post. Some object to a connection between sex & spirituality, others are concerned that the teachings presented here (in the Huffington Post article) aren't pure Tantra. At the end of the day, or the year, or the lifetime, what matters most is that we have loved. Even the Dalai Lama has said that life is about experiencing happiness. If we can find ways to bring more love and happiness into relationships by drawing on some principles of ancient wisdom, so much the better for all of us.

Oddly, the spiritual training most pertinent to my leading Intimacy Retreats for couples is twelve years of dedicated, daily training in Aikido. Yes, a martial art, and yes, Aikido is indeed more about spiritual awakening than about fighting. And no, Aikido is not about sex. (It’s a martial art, not a marital art!) One thing I learned in Aikido is that when my partner (not considered an "opponent").. . when my partner in Aikido extends energy toward me, I can blend with that energy, I can enter into such a connection with that partner, that, literally, for that moment, we become intimately part of something larger. Through a process of centering, I encounter a larger sense of being that encompasses us both. This is also experienced with my husband, not on an Aikido mat, but in our more physically intimate bedroom time together. This feeling is what most people would call spiritual. Many today call it tantric sex.

Ten years ago, when we created a modified Qigong practice that we call “Tantra Tai Chi,” I had some reservations at first to using the name. But as the years have passed, and restaurants and bands also use the name Tantra, I have become more accepting of its use in the public vernacular.

I’m a certified instructor a moving exercise originated by a westerner only 40 years ago. He named it T’ai Chi Chih®. When I began teaching, I was warned by a teacher from a more ancient lineage that this could be dangerous. Since one of the places I taught was the Manhattan AIDS project, I had to laugh. Dangerous?

I have huge respect for those who delve deeply into powerful spiritual traditions. Yet perhaps it is in the light-hearted yet meaningful sharing of principles from those ancient traditions, that their value is further increased and maintained.

Practices taught at weekend workshops do not generally lead to rigorous and lengthy training. On the other hand, they encourage a lifetime of continued - and enjoyable - practice. The merging of meditation and sexual pleasure, the ongoing activation and expression of love and intimate presence, these are the rewards that even a watered-down and maybe slightly skewed teaching of Tantra can provide us with.

Happiness is contagious and I hope we all catch it.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Social Networking? Significant Others?

Much of my day revolves around connecting with my S.O.’s. With Richard, my husband and MOST significant other, I take time every day to connect in a magical, meditative, spiritually, sexual way. If you’ve read our book, you know that we are hooked on S.E.X. as a Synchronized Energy eXchange. Yes, tantric sex keeps our marriage juicy after almost 25 years!

And there are other significant people I stay in touch with. Family and close friends. Far and near. Inner circle. As often as possible, but not always every day and sometimes not even every month.

There are all the warm acquaintances and friends with whom I sometimes party, watch sunsets with, meet by chance in the supermarket or at yoga on Siesta Beach. Real people in real time. When there’s time. (Missed yoga this morning. But I’m headed out soon to lead T’ai Chi Chih on the beach, as long as those clouds keep moving away.)

And then there are all those digital connections via Twitter, Facebook, blogs, articles and emails. My “reading public.” (First time I've ever used that term, I like the sound of it!) I stay in touch with dozens, hundreds, thousands of people whom I will probably never meet face-to-face. Yet there is significance in these relationships, too. It’s not just “business” networking. Many of my connections in cyberspace are people who are also reaching out to the world to share themselves, their dreams, and to help make it a better world, for themselves and for others. It’s truly a social network, a social movement that is growing larger by the nanosecond. I enjoy being part of that network, connecting with my many significant others. I love you all!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Bookstore Controversy

Too Hot for Sarasota? Well, they didn't actually ban my book, just weren't comfortable promoting us for a book signing. Why? It's all in the title. Read more here...

The joy of love is founded and grounded in the delight of sexual arousal - that "in-love" feeling that so many couples feel is missing from their relationship. Along comes a book that can help couples regain that lovin' feeling, re-ignite their passionate connection, and.. what, it's "too hot" a topic?

Saturday, August 1, 2009

The Sounds of Today

Today my life was a wild melody, a cacophony of multiple sounds. There was a harmonious group conversation with several people leaning toward each other in pursuit of shared interests. (Check out There were one-on-one dialogs, some easy and rewarding, others more difficult, but also rewarding, in the way that difficult conversations can be. And then a low, guttural scream (or was it a high piercing shriek) silently emitted from yours truly trying to solve an email problem that only appears to be sending out my messages. Yikes!

Just before I dissolved into a useless heap of spent energy, along came my Focusing partner, another unexpected phone call. So I took the opportunity to settle into myself, check in with the inner workings of my bodily felt sense, and discovered that I was actually having FUN! Really? I was enjoying all of this craziness careening around me? Well, yes. I seem to be in touch and aligned with an intimate rush of energy wanting to express itself. And that’s a good thing. Makes me smile. Reminds me that one of my nicknames (what an odd expression, a "nick" name).. is Laughing Goddess!

And how is your song today?