“What's in a name?” asked Juliet, bemoaning the
family feud (between the Montagues and the Capulets) that prevented her from
having a loving relationship with her Romeo.
Names label and identify us. We are named at birth. Some people (mostly men) stay with that name throughout their entire life. Women
often change theirs, usually due to marriage, sometimes more than once.
Other times, names are chosen or given for various reasons.
My name journey began as Diane
Weinberg. When I was six years old, for reasons unknown, my parents offered
to give me a middle name. I chose Susan (quite popular in my first grade
class!) Surprisingly, my birth certificate was re-issued to include it. I
continued as Diane Susan Weinberg until I married at age 39.
I recall one period when I wrote my name in all lower
case... diane s. weinberg.. (influenced
by poet e.e. cummings.) I suppose that counts as a chapter in my journey. And often used, simply, dsw.
As my marriage approached, I explored the options – keep
my “maiden” name, take my husband-to-be's last name, combine our names, or create
an entirely new last name for both of us. (Yes, that’s a choice some couples
make. Didn't appeal to us.)
While Richard and I were discussing these various ideas,
my mom took me to a fancy stationary store to order printed thank you notes to
be used after the bridal shower my aunts were throwing for me. “Don’t order too
many,” she said with a proud wink, “since you won’t be ‘Diane Weinberg’ much
longer!” When I replied that I wasn’t sure if I was going to change my name,
she said (not surprisingly, if you knew my mom)..”What? You’re telling me this,
now, here, in a public place, where I can’t react and scream?!”) LOL. I calmed her
down, emphasizing that I just hadn’t decided yet.
I did like the idea of us having the same last name. Thing
was, I didn’t like saying “Diane Daffner” out loud. Try it, maybe you’ll hear
what I mean. Going directly from the “n” sound at the end of my first name, to
the “d” sound at the beginning of Richard’s last name, felt nasal and uncomfortable.
Hyphenating our names? Not a good idea. Weinberg-Daffner? Daff-Wein? Ugh.
It somehow occurred to me that if I changed my first
name to Diana, it would flow better with Daffner. As the wedding date
drew closer, I began to think that maybe I was being silly. A colleague who was into numerology offered to analyze my history of names,. After doing so, she declared that my “numbers” were
best if I chose to use Diana instead of Diane! All right, then, that was it. I decided to
become Diana Daffner. And I no longer used a middle name.
…
Over the years, I’ve acquired what some might call
“spiritual” names. My given Hebrew name is דִּינָה (pronounced Deena.) When I
went to college, I considered, for a minute anyway, using “Dina” as my name in
the new environment. That didn’t happen. I continued as Diane.
…
And now, I have begun (sometimes) spelling my name differently. Dhyana.
Again, I do not recall when this spelling came to me. I do know that in the
early 90’s, Richard was considering construction of an office building and day
spa on Siesta Key. Since I had had a career as a massage therapist and teacher, it was natural for me to be in
charge of naming this part of our projected business. I
chose the name Spa Dhyana. Alas, this real estate project never materialized.
In Sanskrit, Dhyana refers to meditation. Specifically, I’ve read, it is the highest form of
meditation in which there can still be a “meditator.”
Recently, this spelling has arisen for me more and more. Several
years ago, I obtained an email address and a domain name, announcing that
“Dhyana Is Here.”
What’s in a name? My Aikido and meditation teacher, Robert Nadeau, learned from HIS teacher, Morihei Uyeshiba, that it is helpful to give
names to the various versions of oneself. Nadeau calls these different selves or personalities “characters” and it’s usually a linear progression in terms of the “size” or
spaciousness or consciousness of each character. In his case, there’s Bobby, Robert,
Nadeau, Sensei (teacher). If he shifts from Sensei back to being little Bobby,
he has none of the skills or wisdom of the Sensei character. We can intentionally develop more upgraded "characters." Sometimes a character is altered in order to align better with the current situation it finds itself in.
I sense that Dhyana is a higer-energy version of
me than my normal everyday character. While I’m not yet ready to fully embrace
this spelling of my name, I am growing into it. When I think of myself as
Dhyana, I’m more likely to be in touch with my deeper, authentic self, more in touch with what I am calling today, Source. My
writing, my music, my communication feels more grounded, more open, less
distracted by limiting thoughts or beliefs.
As for pronouncing it, Richard likes to say “D'-on-uh.”
While I’m okay with that, I’m also okay with no change in pronunciation at all.
I notice that I sometimes sign emails, and display my name on Zoom, as “Diana/Dhyana,”
which for now feels oddly comfortable to me.
First
My name
was Diane.
Now Dhyana
pushes me
to claim
Her.
Once
A girl
Then woman
And now elder.
Dhyana
is her
Name.
