Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Electric Hugs

When one of our workshop participants said that her intention was to get back that feeling she felt during the “electric hugs” she used to share with her husband, something in me went “Yes!” I loved that image, an electric hug. Who wouldn’t want one? In a sense, that’s what Tantric sex is. Our bodies have bio-electric energy surging through them. When we get in touch with our own inner flow, and connect directly with our partner, it is indeed like an electric hug.

Oh, there are other types of hugs – caring, tender, supportive, friendly, nourishing – and an electric hug can have all those qualities as well. Hugs increase the production of oxytocin (the "bonding" hormone) and lower blood pressure, so all hugs, whether or not they're electric, are healthy and worth enjoying.

However, s
ometimes we resist a hug from our partner because we feel it’s not going to stop there, that the hug is expected to advance to further sexual engagement, and maybe we're not in the mood. Sometimes we refrain from reaching out to hug our partner, because we're afraid he or she will interpret it as a sexual move and we don't want to stir that pot right now.

When we keep our bodies separate, our hearts begin to close. Oxytocin drops off and we lose our connection with one another. If this describes your relationship, then it's time to take action and bring hugs back into your life. Perhaps it will feel awkward at first, maybe you didn't experience much hugging as a child. How can you begin now? You can ask for a hug. You can give a hug. You can ask if it's ok to give a hug.

To develop more connection, lengthen the hug so it is not just a quick squeeze but a longer, shared time of body-to-body touching. Even ten or fifteen seconds will make a huge difference. A twenty second hug is bound to awaken both oxytocin and endorphins, the feel-good hormones. Electric energy is not far behind! What are you waiting for?