Dhyana (What's in a name?)

 

“What's in a name?” asked Juliet, bemoaning the family feud (between the Montagues and the Capulets) that prevented her from having a loving relationship with her Romeo.

Names label and identify us. We are named at birth. Some people (mostly men) stay with that same name, or a shortened version of it, throughout their entire life. Women often change theirs, usually due to marriage, and sometimes more than once.

Names are sometimes chosen, or given, for various reasons.

I began my name journey as Diane Weinberg. When I was six years old, for reasons unknown, my parents offered to give me a middle name. I chose Susan (quite popular in my first grade class!) Surprisingly, my birth certificate was re-issued to include it. I continued as Diane Susan Weinberg until I married at age 39.

I recall one period when I wrote my name in all lower case letters..  diane s. weinberg.. (influenced by poet e.e. cummings.) I suppose that counts as a chapter in my journey. And I often used, simply, dsw.

As my marriage approached, I explored the options – keep my “maiden” name, take my husband-to-be's last name, combine our names, or create an entirely new last name for both of us. (Yes, that’s a choice some couples make. Didn't appeal to us.)

While Richard and I were discussing these possibilities, my mom took me to a fancy stationary store to order printed thank you notes to be used after the bridal shower my aunts were throwing for me. “Don’t order too many,” she said with a proud wink, “since you won’t be ‘Diane Weinberg’ much longer!” When I replied that I wasn’t sure if I was going to change my name, she said (not surprisingly, if you knew my mom)..”What? You’re telling me this, now, here, in a public place, where I can’t react and scream?!”) LOL. I calmed her down, emphasizing that I just hadn’t decided yet.

I did like the idea of us having the same last name. Thing was, I didn’t like saying “Diane Daffner” out loud. Try it, maybe you’ll hear what I mean. Going directly from the “n” sound at the end of my first name, to the “d” sound at the beginning of Richard’s last name, felt nasal and uncomfortable.

Hyphenating our names? Not a good idea. Weinberg-Daffner?  Daff-Wein? Ugh.

It somehow occurred to me that if I changed my first name to Diana, it would flow better with Daffner. As the wedding date drew closer, I began to think that maybe I was being silly. A colleague who was into numerology offered to analyze my history of names,. After doing so, she declared that my “numbers” were best if I chose to use Diana instead of Diane! All right, then, that was it. I decided to become Diana Daffner. And I no longer used a middle name.

…

Over the years, I’ve acquired what some might call “spiritual” names. At birth, my given Hebrew name is דִּינָה (pronounced Deena.) When I went to college, I considered, for a minute anyway, using “Dina” as my name in the new environment. That didn’t happen. I continued as Diane.

 As a flute player, often at Native American-style events, I acquired the name “Spirit Wind.” And later, “She Who Dances with the Universe!” After that, “Laughing Goddess.” So at ceremonies, you might hear me introduce myself as “Diana Spirit Wind, Dances with the Universe, Laughing Goddess!” I do not recall the specific moments when those names came to be. I do recall a sense of knowing that we sometimes need time to grow into names that come to us!

…

And now, I have begun (sometimes) spelling my name differently. Dhyana. Again, I do not recall when this spelling came to me. I do know that in the early 90’s, Richard was considering construction of an office building and day spa on Siesta Key. Since I had had a career as a massage therapist and teacher, it was natural for me to be in charge of naming this part of our projected business. I chose the name Spa Dhyana. Alas, this real estate project never materialized.

In Sanskrit, Dhyana refers to meditation. Specifically, I’ve read, it is the highest form of meditation in which there can still be a “meditator.”

Recently, this spelling has arisen for me more and more. Several years ago, I obtained an email address and a domain name, announcing that “Dhyana Is Here.” (DhyanaIsHere.com takes you to this blog!)

What’s in a name? 
My Aikido and meditation teacher, Robert Nadeau, learned from HIS teacher, Morihei Uyeshiba, that it is helpful to give names to the various versions of oneself. Nadeau calls these different selves or personalities “characters” and it’s usually a linear progression in terms of the “size” or spaciousness or consciousness of each character. We can intentionally develop and name more upgraded "characters."  In his case, there’s Bobby, Robert, Nadeau, Sensei (teacher). If he shifts from Sensei back to being little Bobby, he has none of the skills or wisdom of the Sensei character.  Sometimes a character is altered in order to align better with the current situation it finds itself in.

I sense that Dhyana is a higher-energy, more evolved version of me than my normal everyday character. While I’m not yet ready to fully embrace this spelling of my name, I am growing into it. When I think of myself as Dhyana, I’m more likely to be in touch with my deeper, authentic self, more in touch with what I am calling today, Source. My writing, my music, my communication feels more grounded, more open, less distracted by limiting thoughts or beliefs.

As for pronouncing it, Richard likes to say “D'-on-uh.” While I’m okay with that, I’m also okay with no change in pronunciation at all. I notice that I sometimes sign emails, and display my name on Zoom, as “Diana/Dhyana,” which for now feels oddly comfortable to me. 

So, what’s in a name? A lot!!! In my case, it’s been a life-time journey!

       First
   My name
   was Diane.
 Now Dhyana
   pushes me
    to claim
      Her.

       Once
       A girl
   Then woman
 And now elder.
      Dhyana
        is her
       Name.

In the comments, tell us about YOUR name journey!!