The Sounds of Today

Today my life was a wild melody, a cacophony of multiple sounds. There was a harmonious group conversation with several people leaning toward each other in pursuit of shared interests. (Check out www.HealYourselfCommunity.com. There were one-on-one dialogs, some easy and rewarding, others more difficult, but also rewarding, in the way that difficult conversations can be. And then a low, guttural scream (or was it a high piercing shriek) silently emitted from yours truly trying to solve an email problem that only appears to be sending out my messages. Yikes!

Just before I dissolved into a useless heap of spent energy, along came my Focusing partner, another unexpected phone call. So I took the opportunity to settle into myself, check in with the inner workings of my bodily felt sense, and discovered that I was actually having FUN! Really? I was enjoying all of this craziness careening around me? Well, yes. I seem to be in touch and aligned with an intimate rush of energy wanting to express itself. And that’s a good thing. Makes me smile. Reminds me that one of my nicknames (what an odd expression, a "nick" name).. is Laughing Goddess!

And how is your song today?

Old Flames

Now that's an interesting phrase, "old flames." I didn't think of it until I just now entered the title of this post. What I WAS thinking about was... someone I had been in relationship with many years ago... and then another someone... and as I thought of these past loves, it made a change in my day. Here I was, kind of spent from being on the computer all day, seeking ways to contribute to the global conversation about love and intimacy (and, yes, seeking publicity for my book, that too).

I noticed an email announcing that my Focusing mentor, Ann Weiser Cornell, will lead a workshop at Esalen Insitute in Big Sur, California. Which led me online to the Esalen site, reminiscing about how I had taught massage there many years ago, reminiscing about living in Big Sur, which led to googling friends from those days... which led to musing about past loves. Which brought a smile to my face! I'm even sitting here, still at my computer, missing sunset on the beach, because thinking about these past loves is bringing back memories and feelings that are quite delicious.

So "flames" is maybe a good word - in the sense that they still have the ability to warm my heart and maybe even tickle my fancy, so to speak. One I haven't seen since 1985. The other, I unexpectedly ran into on an isolated beach in Yelapa, Mexico, in 1997. Perhaps they are thinking of me (after all, my birthday's coming up next month, surely they remember? ;-)

How lucky I am that thinking about past relationships brings joy and happiness to my heart. Since they're "past" relationships, there were obviously times of great stress but my body seems to remember the good times, the connection that I had with each of them. (On the periphery of my consciousness are others, too, but they're not clamoring for attention, so I need not remember them right now!)

I'm not wanting to end the post. I sit here basking in my own smile, even laughing aloud with delight. But now I'll go give Richard a big hug - and let him know that HE's the flame of my life!

Into-ME-see: Intimacy with Myself

No matter how busy our lives are, it's so important to create time for intimate connection, with those we love and most especially with ourselves.

One way I create self-intimacy is through Focusing, a listening process that uses body-awareness to sense into one's inner truth. Originally developed by Eugene Gendlin, Focusing is a gentle yet powerful method of embracing all the parts of ourselves and finding our way forward with clarity and wholeness.

In my book, there is a focusing-related practice called "All of Me" which I sometimes use when I want to be present with Richard for our loving time together, but part of me is reluctant, or causing a distraction and could even create distance. The All of Me practice allows me to safely bring awareness of that part into the present moment, while allowing us to go forward with our loving.

Although Focusing can be done alone, having another person listening is the really magical component. Richard has never studied the process (he’s not the studying-type), but the All of Me practice gives him a few easy words to say that actually help me regain my ability to be present with him. It's amazing!

Focusing with a partner is truly intimate. Two of my focusing partners are Katya in New York and Katarina in Vancouver. Thank you, Alexander Graham Bell for inventing the telephone! (oops, a more accurate study of history reveals that Elisha Gray was the true inventor.)

If you’re interested in knowing more...
I studied Focusing with Ann Weiser Cornell.

Creative Edge Focusing Blog by Dr. Kathy McGuire (lots of free and valuable info, beyond just Focusing)

Katarina Halm is a teacher of Focusing, Feldenkrais , the Sounder Sleep System, and other related body-oriented healings.

Katya Salkinder is a tantric psychotherapist.

About Elisha Gray (if you're REALLY interested! I knew a man who invented the television only to discover that someone else had patented it just days before. Great minds really do think alike.)