The days and months keep flying by.. Are they being twittered away? Well, yes, I am getting used to expressing thoughts in 140 characters - often, really, exactly that number! Twitter is fast and fleeting but can develop a certain comforting rhythm. Twitter and commenting on other people's blogs both allow me to engage in my favorite dialog about topics such as intimacy, love, Tantra, and living life in joy, and also provide an opportunity for me to let people know about our book and workshops. It's a win-win activity!
On the schedule this month: a book signing, an Intimacy Retreat for couples, and a Goddess Retreat (for Women only).
At home, new developments due to my mother deciding to leave her partner of the last 7 years and return to live here in the Sarasota area. She is currently at my home, and when she asked me today, how it felt to have an almost-88 year old mother on my hands, I said, I feel lucky! And I do.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
What's Happiness Got To Do With It .. Women, Life and Pleasure? Try the Tantric Approach!
Great post, I find it facsinating that in the Tantric system, we celebrate the feminine as the active principle. While there are some similarities with the Chinese yin/yang approach, that's a major difference. Yin is used to describe some of the same feminine attributes, but is considered to be more quiet and receptive in relationship to the activity of yang. It is when we women most fully relax into our yin nature, that the Shakti energy comes alive in us. In the yin/yang circle, that is evidenced by the white, yang dot on the dark yin side of the symbol. Shakti arising out of the depths of yin.(Nothing can be totally yin or totally yang; each eventually turns into the other.)
Shiva awaits that emergence of Shakti, he is enegized by it. And so wholeness - and indeed, happiness - comes to both. (And yes, none of this is truly gender-based, which makes Tantra such a deliciously flexible experience.)
Diana Daffner, author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples
http://IntimacyRetreats.com
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
Shiva awaits that emergence of Shakti, he is enegized by it. And so wholeness - and indeed, happiness - comes to both. (And yes, none of this is truly gender-based, which makes Tantra such a deliciously flexible experience.)
Diana Daffner, author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples
http://IntimacyRetreats.com
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Connections
Like you, perhaps, I am turned on by connecting. I enjoy the feeling that comes with connection - positive connection, that is. (There's probably a kind of connection that occurs in negative interactions, but that's not my style nor is it the feeling I enjoy...!) Today I experienced connection with strangers on Twitter and Facebook. I later learned that one of my not-personally-known-to-me "Facebook Friends" is actually registered for an upcoming Intimacy Retreat - so he won't remain a stranger much longer! It seems odd to write the word stranger... People we don't know "follow" us and "friend" us. No one is really a stranger, once that contact has been made.
Also on Facebook, there are connections with "real" friends, i.e., people with whom I have a relationship in "real" life. It was via Facebook that I heard about one such friend's emergency room experience last night. It was via Facebook that I learned of the death of one of the drummers from the Siesta Key Drum Circle. (It was on MySpace that I found his photo and memorable words to share at his memorial.)
Pulling myself away from the computer, I went to meet some local friends, a salon-style gathering where the topic was creativity. Instead of "commenting" online, we spoke and commented in each other's presence. This kind of face-to-face connection is vital and must not be allowed to be crowded out by all the virtual connections that keep us so busy.
And then, of course, there's the connection I share with my beloved, my husband, my lover. Entering into the sacred space of our love, together, our connection opens us up to a connection with All That Is.
In some sense, if you're reading this, we too are sharing a connection. Can you feel it?
Also on Facebook, there are connections with "real" friends, i.e., people with whom I have a relationship in "real" life. It was via Facebook that I heard about one such friend's emergency room experience last night. It was via Facebook that I learned of the death of one of the drummers from the Siesta Key Drum Circle. (It was on MySpace that I found his photo and memorable words to share at his memorial.)
Pulling myself away from the computer, I went to meet some local friends, a salon-style gathering where the topic was creativity. Instead of "commenting" online, we spoke and commented in each other's presence. This kind of face-to-face connection is vital and must not be allowed to be crowded out by all the virtual connections that keep us so busy.
And then, of course, there's the connection I share with my beloved, my husband, my lover. Entering into the sacred space of our love, together, our connection opens us up to a connection with All That Is.
In some sense, if you're reading this, we too are sharing a connection. Can you feel it?
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Intimacy is Just a Shift Away
September is here. There's been a shift from summer vacation to the start of school. Here in Florida, although it's still hot, the shift is noticeable: summer visitors are gone, winter tourists and residents haven't arrived yet. It's easier to get a parking spot at the beach, a seat at the movies and restaurants.
Many people feel that cosmic shifts are happening. This week, 09-09-09 sparked a flurry of ceremonies around the globe. I was delighted to play flute at one here on Siesta Beach. When people participate in ceremony, they shift into a sacred space. ~ SunBear
What shifts do you notice in YOUR life? During our daily tantric lovemaking this morning, Richard and I both noticed when we "shifted" from our individual, personal thoughts into a connection of we-ness. There was an almost tangible click as we shifted into the same orbit.
It's like shifting gears. If we're just zooming along at normal speed, we can easily miss each other. When we slow down, when we each remember to become present and in touch with the moment, we suddenly find each other. Click!
Find yourself, and your beloved, today. Slow down and make the shift. Intimacy is always just a click away!
Many people feel that cosmic shifts are happening. This week, 09-09-09 sparked a flurry of ceremonies around the globe. I was delighted to play flute at one here on Siesta Beach. When people participate in ceremony, they shift into a sacred space. ~ SunBear
What shifts do you notice in YOUR life? During our daily tantric lovemaking this morning, Richard and I both noticed when we "shifted" from our individual, personal thoughts into a connection of we-ness. There was an almost tangible click as we shifted into the same orbit.
It's like shifting gears. If we're just zooming along at normal speed, we can easily miss each other. When we slow down, when we each remember to become present and in touch with the moment, we suddenly find each other. Click!
Find yourself, and your beloved, today. Slow down and make the shift. Intimacy is always just a click away!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Gratitude in Relationship
When I invite gratitude into my life, there is an immediate and delicious softening around the edges of my ego. My heart opens. I breathe more fully. The muscles, tissues and cells of my body relax. My mind lets go of its incessant occupation with what isn't, and quietly eases into the reality of what is.
The experience of gratitude is always here-and-now. I can give thanks, and feel thankful, only in the present moment. Settling into the present moment, I reveal my authentic beingness. I shift from a limited narcissitic perspective into the eternal sacredness of connection with All That Is.
Gratitude seems at first to be very self-centered. I am grateful for what I have in my life, for the gifts and abundance that surround me, nourish and support me. Grateful for the friends I have, the work I do, the opportunities the universe offers me. Grateful for my health or, if I am in dis-ease, grateful for an improvement back toward health. Like Pollyanna, I can find a reason to be grateful regardless of how bleak things may seem. Even the tiniest reason counts.
Personal gratitude can serve as a springboard to spiritual expansion. The act of gratitude itself, the physical, emotional and mental joining that takes place at the moment of giving thanks releases a powerful energy in the circuitry of our consciousness. This release takes place regardless of what we are being grateful for. Even a single moment of gratitude can alter our inner dynamic from a linear vibration of separateness to a circular flow of wholeness and belonging. From separate self to the One Self.
Significant amplification of this process takes place when we give thanks together. The shared energy of a group increases the transformation for each individual. This occurs whether we are giving thanks as a family before dinner, or in a formal ceremony of prayer in a spiritual community.
A love relationship can be a spiritual community of two. Gratitude plays a significant role in this elevation of relationship. Expressing our appreciation for one another is perhaps more important than anything else we do together. When we do so on a regular basis, our relationship is strengthened and empowered. Relationships improve when there is purposeful recognition of the various contributions each person makes - the preparation of a dinner, the mowing of a lawn. To thank another for simply being in our lives is enough to make a difference. When an aura of gratitude pervades a relationship, both individuals are continually renewed in spirit.
The element of gratitude also transforms sexual relations. Sex with a loving partner allows us to experience gratitude in the very depths of our soul. When we expose our bodies to another, when we uncover our hidden inner regions, when we permit another to touch and caress us into a joyous explosion of our sexuality, the pleasure of the release and the resulting glow is heightened by our grateful sense of having been accepted, valued, loved. Not only women, but men too, feel grateful when they open to their receptive yin nature. We yearn to be cared for at this level of intimacy, but are so often afraid to ask for it or admit how important it is to us. Perhaps we fear that too much gratitude might consume or weaken us. But allowing ourselves to enjoy being intimately treasured by another will not take away the strength of our own self-valuation. A relationship that is rich and balanced in shared gratitude is one that allows us to transcend the personal self and enter into the transcendent realm of sacred union.
Every moment of gratitude brings us into a here-and-now presence and enriches our lives. And when we enter into such moments with our lover, we merge together into the core of our being.
The experience of gratitude is always here-and-now. I can give thanks, and feel thankful, only in the present moment. Settling into the present moment, I reveal my authentic beingness. I shift from a limited narcissitic perspective into the eternal sacredness of connection with All That Is.
Gratitude seems at first to be very self-centered. I am grateful for what I have in my life, for the gifts and abundance that surround me, nourish and support me. Grateful for the friends I have, the work I do, the opportunities the universe offers me. Grateful for my health or, if I am in dis-ease, grateful for an improvement back toward health. Like Pollyanna, I can find a reason to be grateful regardless of how bleak things may seem. Even the tiniest reason counts.
Personal gratitude can serve as a springboard to spiritual expansion. The act of gratitude itself, the physical, emotional and mental joining that takes place at the moment of giving thanks releases a powerful energy in the circuitry of our consciousness. This release takes place regardless of what we are being grateful for. Even a single moment of gratitude can alter our inner dynamic from a linear vibration of separateness to a circular flow of wholeness and belonging. From separate self to the One Self.
Significant amplification of this process takes place when we give thanks together. The shared energy of a group increases the transformation for each individual. This occurs whether we are giving thanks as a family before dinner, or in a formal ceremony of prayer in a spiritual community.
A love relationship can be a spiritual community of two. Gratitude plays a significant role in this elevation of relationship. Expressing our appreciation for one another is perhaps more important than anything else we do together. When we do so on a regular basis, our relationship is strengthened and empowered. Relationships improve when there is purposeful recognition of the various contributions each person makes - the preparation of a dinner, the mowing of a lawn. To thank another for simply being in our lives is enough to make a difference. When an aura of gratitude pervades a relationship, both individuals are continually renewed in spirit.
The element of gratitude also transforms sexual relations. Sex with a loving partner allows us to experience gratitude in the very depths of our soul. When we expose our bodies to another, when we uncover our hidden inner regions, when we permit another to touch and caress us into a joyous explosion of our sexuality, the pleasure of the release and the resulting glow is heightened by our grateful sense of having been accepted, valued, loved. Not only women, but men too, feel grateful when they open to their receptive yin nature. We yearn to be cared for at this level of intimacy, but are so often afraid to ask for it or admit how important it is to us. Perhaps we fear that too much gratitude might consume or weaken us. But allowing ourselves to enjoy being intimately treasured by another will not take away the strength of our own self-valuation. A relationship that is rich and balanced in shared gratitude is one that allows us to transcend the personal self and enter into the transcendent realm of sacred union.
Every moment of gratitude brings us into a here-and-now presence and enriches our lives. And when we enter into such moments with our lover, we merge together into the core of our being.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Sting and Tantric Sex
In a recent interview, the 18 year old daughter of musician Sting declared that her dad knows nothing about tantric sex. Some years ago a rumor had traveled the internet, that not only was Sting practicing tantric sex, he and his wife Trudie were doing for 8 hours at a time!
My husband and I were already leading Intimacy Retreats and teaching couples about the benefits of tantric sex... but we weren't setting records for marathon episodes. I was secretly relieved when about a year later, I heard that Sting had commented, "8 hours? I said that? I must have been including dinner and a movie!" Yet I also heard his wife Trudie Styler tell Oprah that sometimes he would draw a bath for her, and massage her. That's certainly time well spent!
This isn't the only occasion that Sting and Trudie's sex life has been in the news, but hopefully people won't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There is great value in understanding and practicing the aspects of sexual energy that define tantric sex. When combined with an opening of the heart, couples who bother to explore and embrace this ancient path are rewarded with amazing experiences of love, intimacy and spiritual joy.
Maybe Sting & Trudie will come to one of our workshops or read our book!
My husband and I were already leading Intimacy Retreats and teaching couples about the benefits of tantric sex... but we weren't setting records for marathon episodes. I was secretly relieved when about a year later, I heard that Sting had commented, "8 hours? I said that? I must have been including dinner and a movie!" Yet I also heard his wife Trudie Styler tell Oprah that sometimes he would draw a bath for her, and massage her. That's certainly time well spent!
This isn't the only occasion that Sting and Trudie's sex life has been in the news, but hopefully people won't throw the baby out with the bathwater. There is great value in understanding and practicing the aspects of sexual energy that define tantric sex. When combined with an opening of the heart, couples who bother to explore and embrace this ancient path are rewarded with amazing experiences of love, intimacy and spiritual joy.
Maybe Sting & Trudie will come to one of our workshops or read our book!
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Tantra on Huffington Post
(I just wrote this as a comment to an an article/post on The Huffington Post, about Tantra. It was too long so I am posting it here in its entirety.)
Lots of comments to this post. Some object to a connection between sex & spirituality, others are concerned that the teachings presented here (in the Huffington Post article) aren't pure Tantra. At the end of the day, or the year, or the lifetime, what matters most is that we have loved. Even the Dalai Lama has said that life is about experiencing happiness. If we can find ways to bring more love and happiness into relationships by drawing on some principles of ancient wisdom, so much the better for all of us.
Oddly, the spiritual training most pertinent to my leading Intimacy Retreats for couples is twelve years of dedicated, daily training in Aikido. Yes, a martial art, and yes, Aikido is indeed more about spiritual awakening than about fighting. And no, Aikido is not about sex. (It’s a martial art, not a marital art!) One thing I learned in Aikido is that when my partner (not considered an "opponent").. . when my partner in Aikido extends energy toward me, I can blend with that energy, I can enter into such a connection with that partner, that, literally, for that moment, we become intimately part of something larger. Through a process of centering, I encounter a larger sense of being that encompasses us both. This is also experienced with my husband, not on an Aikido mat, but in our more physically intimate bedroom time together. This feeling is what most people would call spiritual. Many today call it tantric sex.
Ten years ago, when we created a modified Qigong practice that we call “Tantra Tai Chi,” I had some reservations at first to using the name. But as the years have passed, and restaurants and bands also use the name Tantra, I have become more accepting of its use in the public vernacular.
I’m a certified instructor a moving exercise originated by a westerner only 40 years ago. He named it T’ai Chi Chih®. When I began teaching, I was warned by a teacher from a more ancient lineage that this could be dangerous. Since one of the places I taught was the Manhattan AIDS project, I had to laugh. Dangerous?
I have huge respect for those who delve deeply into powerful spiritual traditions. Yet perhaps it is in the light-hearted yet meaningful sharing of principles from those ancient traditions, that their value is further increased and maintained.
Practices taught at weekend workshops do not generally lead to rigorous and lengthy training. On the other hand, they encourage a lifetime of continued - and enjoyable - practice. The merging of meditation and sexual pleasure, the ongoing activation and expression of love and intimate presence, these are the rewards that even a watered-down and maybe slightly skewed teaching of Tantra can provide us with.
Happiness is contagious and I hope we all catch it.
Lots of comments to this post. Some object to a connection between sex & spirituality, others are concerned that the teachings presented here (in the Huffington Post article) aren't pure Tantra. At the end of the day, or the year, or the lifetime, what matters most is that we have loved. Even the Dalai Lama has said that life is about experiencing happiness. If we can find ways to bring more love and happiness into relationships by drawing on some principles of ancient wisdom, so much the better for all of us.
Oddly, the spiritual training most pertinent to my leading Intimacy Retreats for couples is twelve years of dedicated, daily training in Aikido. Yes, a martial art, and yes, Aikido is indeed more about spiritual awakening than about fighting. And no, Aikido is not about sex. (It’s a martial art, not a marital art!) One thing I learned in Aikido is that when my partner (not considered an "opponent").. . when my partner in Aikido extends energy toward me, I can blend with that energy, I can enter into such a connection with that partner, that, literally, for that moment, we become intimately part of something larger. Through a process of centering, I encounter a larger sense of being that encompasses us both. This is also experienced with my husband, not on an Aikido mat, but in our more physically intimate bedroom time together. This feeling is what most people would call spiritual. Many today call it tantric sex.
Ten years ago, when we created a modified Qigong practice that we call “Tantra Tai Chi,” I had some reservations at first to using the name. But as the years have passed, and restaurants and bands also use the name Tantra, I have become more accepting of its use in the public vernacular.
I’m a certified instructor a moving exercise originated by a westerner only 40 years ago. He named it T’ai Chi Chih®. When I began teaching, I was warned by a teacher from a more ancient lineage that this could be dangerous. Since one of the places I taught was the Manhattan AIDS project, I had to laugh. Dangerous?
I have huge respect for those who delve deeply into powerful spiritual traditions. Yet perhaps it is in the light-hearted yet meaningful sharing of principles from those ancient traditions, that their value is further increased and maintained.
Practices taught at weekend workshops do not generally lead to rigorous and lengthy training. On the other hand, they encourage a lifetime of continued - and enjoyable - practice. The merging of meditation and sexual pleasure, the ongoing activation and expression of love and intimate presence, these are the rewards that even a watered-down and maybe slightly skewed teaching of Tantra can provide us with.
Happiness is contagious and I hope we all catch it.
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