Autism

Here is something that caught my attention and interest recently:

A person with autism thinks in a totally different way than most of us do. Thinking typically implies the use of language to ponder, sort, consider and store information. Dr. Temple Gradin, a scientist and writer whose life is currently being portrayed on HBO, shows us that her autism allows her to think in pictures instead of words. The movie, titled simply, Temple Gradin, gives a sense of what it might be like to be her. Although she is quite well known in her professional field as well as in the world of autism, I was unfamiliar with her name. I hadn't seen any HBO promotions for the movie, just happened on it by chance. It had already started when I began to watch it and about half way through, I turned to Richard and said, this is so amazing, it must be a true story! Googled right then and there on my Blackberry and confirmed it.

I'm not sure exactly what stirs my fascination more - that someone would devote her life to designing better and more humane ways of leading cattle to slaughter (Gradin's field of expertise) or that someone with what is so often considered a crippling diagnosis could actually draw on the strength of her differentness to contribute so much to society. "Different, not less," is the message throughout. I highly recommend seeing this.

I am often surprised at what catches my attention, what excites my energy. A glimpse into the life of someone who thinks in pictures gave me much to muse about. Life is rich with so many possibilities.

Valentine's Day Thoughts

I've been thinking lately about "discipline." It's going to be the topic of a teleclass panel I'm on, on Feb 23. My friend, author Susyn Reeve, of www.Self-Esteem-Experts.com, recently sent out, in her "daily inspiration" newsletter, a note about exercising her "discipline muscle."

For so many couples (dare I say most?), a daily routine to connect with one's most beloved partner is a challenging discipline to implement. Even when we reap a tangible benefit, even when it's something we enjoy, there's some kind of resistance we give in to. Or maybe it's simply a matter of forgetting.

For my husband Richard and me, the 10 minutes of our Peaceful Passion, using the energy principles of Tantra Tai Chi, while physically keeping lingam in yoni, is so mutually fulfilling to both of us that we manage to "remember" and show up for it almost daily. (Yes, sometimes we have to remind each other. It's still easy to get lost in whatever else we're each doing.)

I wonder how we decide which "disciplines" become routine in our lives.. For example, I have not ever - at least not yet - managed to discipline myself to a daily stretching or yoga routine, which I "keep meaning to." Maybe we don't make a decision about most of them, we just get into the habit of whatever we do - or don't do - regularly. Writing in this blog is an activity I show up for, albeit quite irregularly, even though I love writing. (How delighted I am to be here right now!)

We make choices every moment, and if we don't choose, the choice is made for us, maybe based on either momentum or entropy. We keep moving because we're moving, or we run out of steam. Discipline, habits, routines... A lot to muse about, yes?

Temperament plays a role. Some of us are born with a strong discipline muscle, or have it trained into us. Some need "new" everyday, are addicted to the brain's pleasure center that lights up for novelty. For others, routine and discipline are comforting.

I don't have any answers but I do believe that each of us can enhance our lives by creating - and sticking to - rituals that matter to our health, our relationship, our life. And I am grateful that Richard and I both find Peaceful Passion valuable enough to show up for it every day!

Odd thoughts, perhaps, on Valentine's Day, thinking about discipline, ritual, routines. Or not odd at all, since the whole idea of Valentine's Day is an annual routine, an annual ritual. We've been trained as a society, that at least once a year (well, maybe two or three times, including birthdays, anniversaries and those December holidays), we "show up" to express love for our partner. What if we only went to the gym three times a year? Not much exercise of our "discipline muscle" would occur.

Susyn proposes that when we stick to an exercise routine, a physical workout, it helps strengthen our ability to be more disciplined in other areas of our life. I wonder though, if some couples might do better to trade in some of that exercise time for at least a brief daily loving time with each other. When we nourish our relationships on a regular basis, we live in joy. Surely that's a way to make Valentine's Day last all year!

Holistic Moms

How wonderful to be in the company of mothers. Women who with their whole hearts - along with their bodies and bank accounts - are raising the children of the next generation. This group of moms, in particular, take their mothering quite seriously and gather together at meetings where they not only schmooze with one another but also take time to learn something new that will improve their lives in some way.

Tonight in Sarasota, I was the guest speaker. The topic, of course, was based on my book, Tantric Sex for Busy Couples. No one is busier than moms. Sure enough, that's what I heard from them - how little time, how tired they get, how uninterested they think they are in the type of "intimacy" their husbands want. Not all of course. At least one - really, only one - of the moms reported being quite happy and sexually active with her husband.


I shared with them what I think is important about relationships and gave them a new way to think about intimacy, sexuality and the gift of love. When parents share a soulful presence with one another, even if it's only a few moments a day, their children benefit. So often the adult relationship is suspended during child raising. So little time, etc. Let's change that around, let's remind couples how valuable their love is. How valuable love is.

Writing and Loving

There's been so little time lately to write in this blog, originally intended as a place where I would write from my heart, revealing myself - thus the blog name, Into-Me-See. As a self-employed person, workshop leader and author, most of my writing is oriented toward letting the world know what I do, letting the world know that there is a way to be in love, to be in life, to be in relationship, a way that allows happiness to flow with confidence and regularity.

I love to write, I love the way words take form through my fingers on a keyboard. Even when playing flute, I hear/sense words directing the music, giving it shape and formation. It's not that I have a lot to say. Like certain birds, I imagine, the song I sing sounds the same to me, feels the same to me, even as the words change. It is a song of love and if you were watching me right now, you'd see a glowing smile on my face and laughter beginning to bubble up within me.

Perhaps I'm not saying much of anything, or much about anything, but things aren't what the world needs more of, are they? We do need more love! How blessed I am to be in a relationship where I get to practice love on a daily basis. Although I was thinking first of my darling Richard/husband, as the sentence came to a close I realized that my new blessing is the presence of my mother.

I read today that boomer babies (I'm one) are the first generation to grow old along with their mothers - which gives us the opportunity to finally recognize and appreciate the depth of love in this most challenging bond.

And it truly is a bond, isn't it? Even for those of us who were well-enough loved as children, and I was, the mother/daughter bond can be fraught with tension and unresolved issues. I couldn't wait to leave home at 18; my mom was only 42 then. Now she is almost 88, and I am thrilled that she has just relocated to live near me. I am delighted that I can find time to be with her.

Electric Hugs

When one of our workshop participants said that her intention was to get back that feeling she felt during the “electric hugs” she used to share with her husband, something in me went “Yes!” I loved that image, an electric hug. Who wouldn’t want one? In a sense, that’s what Tantric sex is. Our bodies have bio-electric energy surging through them. When we get in touch with our own inner flow, and connect directly with our partner, it is indeed like an electric hug.

Oh, there are other types of hugs – caring, tender, supportive, friendly, nourishing – and an electric hug can have all those qualities as well. Hugs increase the production of oxytocin (the "bonding" hormone) and lower blood pressure, so all hugs, whether or not they're electric, are healthy and worth enjoying.

However, sometimes we resist a hug from our partner because we feel it’s not going to stop there, that the hug is expected to advance to further sexual engagement, and maybe we're not in the mood. Sometimes we refrain from reaching out to hug our partner, because we're afraid he or she will interpret it as a sexual move and we don't want to stir that pot right now.

When we keep our bodies separate, our hearts begin to close. Oxytocin drops off and we lose our connection with one another. If this describes your relationship, then it's time to take action and bring hugs back into your life. Perhaps it will feel awkward at first, maybe you didn't experience much hugging as a child. How can you begin now? You can ask for a hug. You can give a hug. You can ask if it's ok to give a hug.

To develop more connection, lengthen the hug so it is not just a quick squeeze but a longer, shared time of body-to-body touching. Even ten or fifteen seconds will make a huge difference. A twenty second hug is bound to awaken both oxytocin and endorphins, the feel-good hormones. Electric energy is not far behind! What are you waiting for?

Mid-October Already?

The days and months keep flying by.. Are they being twittered away? Well, yes, I am getting used to expressing thoughts in 140 characters - often, really, exactly that number! Twitter is fast and fleeting but can develop a certain comforting rhythm. Twitter and commenting on other people's blogs both allow me to engage in my favorite dialog about topics such as intimacy, love, Tantra, and living life in joy, and also provide an opportunity for me to let people know about our book and workshops. It's a win-win activity!

On the schedule this month: a book signing, an Intimacy Retreat for couples, and a Goddess Retreat (for Women only).

At home, new developments due to my mother deciding to leave her partner of the last 7 years and return to live here in the Sarasota area. She is currently at my home, and when she asked me today, how it felt to have an almost-88 year old mother on my hands, I said, I feel lucky! And I do.

What's Happiness Got To Do With It .. Women, Life and Pleasure? Try the Tantric Approach!

Great post, I find it facsinating that in the Tantric system, we celebrate the feminine as the active principle. While there are some similarities with the Chinese yin/yang approach, that's a major difference. Yin is used to describe some of the same feminine attributes, but is considered to be more quiet and receptive in relationship to the activity of yang. It is when we women most fully relax into our yin nature, that the Shakti energy comes alive in us. In the yin/yang circle, that is evidenced by the white, yang dot on the dark yin side of the symbol. Shakti arising out of the depths of yin.(Nothing can be totally yin or totally yang; each eventually turns into the other.)

Shiva awaits that emergence of Shakti, he is enegized by it. And so wholeness - and indeed, happiness - comes to both. (And yes, none of this is truly gender-based, which makes Tantra such a deliciously flexible experience.)

Diana Daffner, author of Tantric Sex for Busy Couples

http://IntimacyRetreats.com
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