Sunday, November 7, 2010

Marriage Renewal: From This Day Forward

Richard and I just celebrated our 25 years of marriage with an amazing renewal ceremony at the EcoTulum resort on Tulum Beach, in Mexico. This is the romantic location of our winter Intimacy Retreats, on the Riviera Maya, along the Yucatan coast of the Caribbean Sea.

Since I myself perform both weddings and vow renewals, this experience has given me more insight into the power of such ritual. I feel that new life has been breathed into our relationship. Rather than simply moving forward in our marriage from this year to the next, we have taken the time to consciously choose each other again. We began our new vows, "From this day forward..."


Thursday, September 23, 2010

Since you asked..

Well, maybe you didn't ask, but my last post - and our recent newsletter - mentioned that I was participating in an ancient ceremony/ritual without saying what it was. In case you are wondering, I experienced a mikveh (also spelled mikvah) which is a biblical immersion into water. It was a meaningful and powerfully sacred event. Note that although this ritual is most often associated with orthodox Jews, one does not need to be an orthodox Jew to experience it. (I am not.)

Actually, I created a ceremony that drew on ancient teachings related to chakras, which is from the world of yoga and Tantra. Walking down the seven steps to the mikveh (a pool of water), I connected with, and then released, the attributes of each chakra. It was a personal journey of letting go. I will write more about it at some time...

Thanks for your interest...


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Turned on by Abstinence

From our newsletter: http://bit.ly/cL3Soa In our book, Richard and I share about how we honor our relationship, our love and our spirituality with a daily sexual meditation that we call Peaceful Passion. We have been more or less consistent with this wonderful, juicy connection for quite a few years now. But not today.

Today is different because I have chosen to personally experience an ancient spiritual ritual and have been asked to abstain from physical intimacy for seven days as preparation for this one-time event. Richard agreed - reluctantly, but with appreciation for the power of the ritual. (That’s one of the reasons I love him so much. He sincerely tries to honor my needs and desires in all aspects of our lives. As do I his.)

Since sexuality itself serves as a spiritual process in our relationship, it may seem odd that we agreed to abstain from it. It’s only for one week, how hard could that be?

Well it turns out that it hasn’t been hard at all. In fact, I have loved the ongoing feeling of romantic interest - and yes, even arousal - that I am experiencing whenever I see or think of Richard. While this is somewhat normal for me, I have been noticing an increased level during these days without our sexual connection. Perhaps it's the anticipation of returning to our daily practice that excites me!

Imagine, being turned on by abstinence!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Tooting my horn!

When I visit Satya Winkelman's studio, she excitedly shows me her newest sculpture. "Isn't it fabulous?" she exclaims. That's not a question she is asking; it's an expression of exuberant delight!

I have learned from Satya from that it is okay to toot your own horn, to let people know how you feel about your own creative endeavor. Earlier tonight I heard myself doing exactly that. I was telling someone about the CD (Lessons in Intimacy) that my husband and I produced to help couples experience a more soulful way of loving. As I began to tell her that we had listened to it ourselves just a couple of nights ago, I heard myself bubbling with enthusiasm. "I loved it, it's really great!" The words just flew out of my mouth. And it felt good to be so appreciative of what I offer to others.

Have you tooted your own horn lately?




Monday, June 21, 2010

Womens Spiritual Leadership Teleconference

Excited to be invited to be a faciliator at the Womens Spiritual Leadership Teleconference..

Perpetual Motion and My Years of T’ai Chi Chih

A great blue heron ruffled its feathers, briefly landing in our yard today, during morning T’ai Chi Chih practice. I felt grateful for its visit, and for the Gulf of Mexico water, still flowing unsullied, as I write this, in the canal behind our home. I felt gratitude, as always, to Justin for having gifted the planet with TCC - which I have now practiced for over twenty years.

One of my favorite memories from our Teacher Training in 1991 was watching my husband Richard warm himself up by doing Pulling Taffy Variation #3, Perpetual Motion. We were way up north in Bemidji, Minnesota, almost in Canada, and the temperature outside was way down below zero. This January training took place within a week of our relocating from New York to Florida! Most of the time we stayed inside, traversing the warm tunnels that connected our room with the meeting and dining rooms at the University where the training was being held.

Richard and I had left behind most of our winter clothing, but luckily the school rented outdoor snow gear, so we could safely brave the weather along the lake. We had heard about Tibetan monks concentrating on the circulation of Qi and various breath practices in order to produce enough “Tummo,” or inner heat, to dry the wet sheets that were placed on their backs, or to make circles around themselves as they sat in the snow. Remembering that, Richard began doing Perpetual Motion. Experiencing it together (I couldn’t help but join him) we became less aware of the biting cold, more deeply in tune with our own inner flow of warmth, and with each other.

I am always amazed at the power of shared practice. For over fifteen years, we have led a weekly, follow-along practice session on the beach near our home. Some of those who attend are new to T’ai Chi Chih. Some have in the past, or are now, attending classes. Practicing TCC alone - or with the company of backyard herons - is powerfully rewarding. Yet as we all know, the awesome shift of energy during group practice supports and magnifies each individual’s experience. The beach session begins fifteen minutes before sunset. Our beach faces west, so that’s a natural gathering time. Nature supplies us here with amazing displays at sunset, and sometimes whole flocks of birds flap their wings all around us.

Richard and I also spend time in Tulum, Mexico, facilitating couples’ workshops at a resort on an east-facing beach. There, he leads TCC at sunrise. (I’m not a morning person, but sometimes even I can’t resist such an auspiciousness moment.)

A black belt in Aikido, I came to TCC after many years of embodied spiritual arts training. I easily felt and appreciated its value immediately. At the time I was also holding meditation classes in our home. Richard liked attending – but would promptly fall asleep. I knew TCC was for us when, while doing Bass Drum in our NYC apartment long ago, Richard said to me,” Now I know why you want me to stay awake during meditation!” His comment, and the writings of others in The Vital Force who spoke of their chi experiences, convinced me that one didn’t need a background like mine in order to benefit from TCC. We began sharing it with everyone we met!

And so the years have passed. We have enjoyed TCC in so many fabulous locations, I can no longer remember them all. I remember daily, however, the serenity such practice provides.

Wherever I am, Perpetual Motion takes me deep into the earth, rooting me, like part of nature itself. Continual movement, shifting weight, yet staying in place, like a tree rippling with energized life. Or a great blue heron ruffling its feathers.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Professional Review: Daffner's book offers hope of increased connection for couples

Contemporary Sexuality, the professional journal of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists has published a favorable review of my book, Tantric Sex for Busy Couples. "The book is easy to follow and offers hope of increased connection for couples." That indeed is what makes a relationship glow, isn't it? Increased connection. Of course, I wouldn't want to encourage a 24/7, joined-at-the-hip kind of connection. Or maybe it IS always there, hovering around us. The trick is to tap into it as the same time as your partner. Both fully present to the moment of connection. Yes! That's what it's all about.